Healing My Voice

Meenal has been part of our circle from the beginning.  She has shared openly with us.  She has been authentic.  She has not been perfect in everyone's eyes (including her own), but she has been slowly, gradually transforming toward the pure expression of the essence of Meenal.  Her choices to share her journey publicly have inspired me.  I felt so honored when she accepted my invitation to do a photo session with me to create some new portrait images.  We were both blown away by the experience.

Even just a few weeks later, I continue to be blessed by the unfolding of Meenal's budding butterfly wings.  As the new book release buzz is picking up, I was asked this morning to post on the Healing My Voice forum wall on facebook.  At about the same time I opened an email with a quote in it.  Rather effortlessly, I grabbed that quote, clicked over to the facebook forum page, and wrote this:

"It is uncertainty that creates the space for invention. We must let go, clear the space and leap into the void of not knowing, if we want to discover anything new."
-- Margaret Wheatley
Healing my voice is about discovering that I am an innovator and understanding how that has affected my life.  After feeling disconnected around over 50% of the population my whole life and feeling "different" I grew hesitant to share my truth because so many people didn't understand my vision and my abilities.  I didn't understand that I had a narrow audience and that trying to share my passions with the masses would actually tear me down rather than build me up.  Learning about the social self and the essential self in all of my explorations has been key.  Joining circles, groups, guilds, tribes, and communities of like minded people has been critical in healing my voice.  I am grateful for the learning, the journey, and the connections.
Aho.

Thank you Meenal for being in my life.

Thank you Lindsay, Andreea, Laura, Jill, Sheri, Billy, Michelle, and all of the other deeply caring friends that have been in circle with me and are part of my life.

Thank you those outside this circle who have been a part of my personal growth, expansion, and healing.

There is still a lot ahead.  I couldn't do it without all of you.

Masks, Dreams, and Celebration

"When there is no more separation between 'this' and 'that,' it is called the still-point of the Tao. At the still point in the center of the circle one can see the infinite in all things." 

╭♥╯Chuang-tzu

As we approach the celebration gathering for our circle this coming Sunday, I think about this current group of women who have chosen to participate for the past several months.  I was particularly touched by the sharing about our dreams during out most recent meeting, which unveiled a new level of knowing and support between us.  I noticed a shift.  I noticed a release of something between each of us that moved us closer and at the same time allowed us to let go of attachment to outcome.  It was very subtle.

When we share our dreams, we show people what motivates us.  In a conversation with Sue Bryan last night (Sue is not in our Center Circle at the moment), she said to me, when we are born, we come in with three motives: to pursue our calling (or purpose), to learn and grow, and to connect.  I feel the truth of that in my own experience and I believe that our dream is the way we see that happening for ourselves in our own unique expression.

This Sunday, the ritual we have chosen for our celebration ceremony is a mask ritual.  The point is to use this as a process to really look at what we are letting go of that we have taken on in this life so far that is not serving us and to glue it to that mask.  Then, we also create a mask to represent what we are moving into and toward.  In the ceremony this Sunday we will dance to the music of our choice and take the old mask off and put the new one on.

I hope that each of us will not rush through the still point between that mask and this mask .  I hope that each of us will honor the moment.  I hope that each of us will feel the infinite-ness of our existence and the expansiveness of our being.  I will.  I do.

"Do you Wanna Meet the Love in Your Life? - Look in the Mirror "

"The voice within is what I'm married to. All marriage is a metaphor for that marriage. My lover is the place inside me where an honest yes and no come from. That's my true partner. It's always there. And to tell you yes when my integrity says no is to divorce that partner. ~ Byron Katie ~

A Reminder to Honor Your ME Time

"To have a sacred place is an absolute necessity for anybody today. You must have a room or a certain hour of the day or so, where you do not know who your friends are, you don't know what you owe anybody or what they owe you. This is a place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be...This is the place of creative incubation. At first, you may find nothing happens there. But if you have a sacred place and use it, take advantage of it, something will happen."

--Joseph Campbell

I've been neglecting this lately, letting a long list of tasks take over like weeds in a garden. This is a good reminder. I am thankful that my 9 a.m. appointment this morning asked to reschedule. Now I have time to go pull some weeds.

copyright 2012 Lori Steed Sortino

Finding Silence

A couple weeks ago I drew a card from the Denise Lin Soul Cards deck. It said Silence. The fine print said something about being calm and still no matter what was going on around you. I thought to myself "that's odd" and practically discarded it. That's how people describe me all the time. That's how I am. Never dis a card when it's trying to tell you something.

A few days later in a completely different venue with someone completely different, she used the same card deck and I got the same card.

Okay, I thought, you got my attention. I shook my head and put it aside, still not sure what it meant. Later that night when I had the time to bring it up again, I said out loud "I don't get it!" and stared at the card. Then I asked "if I'm already this way, what else is there?" and the answer came immediately.

Outward vs. inward. Yes, Lori, you are projecting calmness outwardly consistently. Certainly. Now what about what's going on inside?!

Oh. I get it.

Somewhere deep inside me a voice had risen up through all of the constant mental chatter of analyzing, contemplating, innovating, and extrapolating, and said "shut up!", "turn it off!", "give it a rest!".

If you're anything like me, you know how hard this is. Fortunately there are tools, so I'm turning to the tools. Here is a visual tool that I like. In addition, I have hired a yoga therapist who gave me specific whole body exercises that help balance a person like me, so I use those tools as well. I hope these reminders are helpful for you as well!

The next week after the Silence card appeared to me, a walking stick showed up. If you read the significance of this animal totem (yes insects definitely have messages as well as "regular" animals), it's about camouflage and being silent; not telling everyone what's going on. Waiting for the right time.

The world around me is always full of personal messages when I am open to them. I so enjoy this aspect of life. Everything is here to assist me in staying in my essence; staying true to who I am and what I want most. Everything wants to help me with being balanced and centered. All I have to do is allow it.

Embody the Goddess

"A goddess is a woman who emerges from deep within herself. She is a woman who has honestly explored her darkness and learned to celebrate her light. She is a woman who is able to fall in love with the magnificent possibilities within her. She is a woman who knows of the magic and mysterious places inside her, the sacred places that can nurture her soul and make her whole. She is a woman who radiates light. She is magnetic. She walks into a room and male and female alike feel her presence. She has power and softness at the same time. She has powerful sexual energy that’s not dependent on physical looks. She has a body that she adores and it shows by the way she comfortably lives and moves in it. She cherishes beauty, light and love. She is a mother to all children. She flows with life in effortless grace. She can heal with a look or a touch of the hand. She is fiercely sensual and fearlessly erotic and engages in sex as her way to share with another in touching the divine. She is compassion and wisdom. She is seeker of Truth and cares deeply about something bigger than herself. She is a woman who knows that her purpose in life is to reach higher and rule with love. She is woman in love with love. She knows that joy is her destiny and by embracing it and sharing it with others, wounds are healed. She is a woman who has come to know that her partner is as tender, lost, and frightened as she has been at times. She has come to understand the scars of the boy in him and knows that together, love can be the relief, the healing of their wounds. She is a woman who can accept herself as she is. She can accept another as they are. She is able to forgive her mistakes and not feel threatened by another’s even when attacked. She is a woman who can ask for help when she needs it or give help when asked. She respects boundaries, hers and another’s. She can see God in another’s eyes. She can see God in her own. She can see God in every life situation. She is woman who takes responsibility for everything she creates in her life. She is a woman who is totally supportive and giving. She is a Goddess." ~ Artist Rafael Espitia Perea

Radical Authenticity

As women who are seeking to embody our soul, our truth, and our perfect unique beauty, Sara's words are an inspiration.

This is an 18 minute video of a Sara Beak Keynote.

We

During our last circle we took turns listening to each other's recent life trials and breakthroughs. We noticed where our own personal life themes coincided with everyone else's experiences, and felt the joy and strength of being in this life thing together. In our day to day lives, if we happen to realize that we've forgotten the "we" in our reality and got lost in the "I", it's time to pick up the phone and call at least one friend to give us the reality check we need. All of us in the circle that evening noticed that we all had a similar passion invested in creating positive change and support for children. And the conversation lead us to new realization about our potential in our endeavor. The "we" of our reality is a magical cauldron of manifestation, clarity, and support. The angel cards at the end of circle were another sweet reminder of how connected we are to each other and to all that is. Truly never alone.

Authenticity = Healthy

About authentic happiness (not just trying to look happy!)...  You know those times when you smile, just to try to be nice?  Or when you see someone smiling, but you sense that they are not really happy?  Well, it turns out that those insincere smiles have the same constrictive affect on our heart as anger.  

In a study on behavior and coronary heart disease at Duke University Medical Center with male coronary patients, doctors tracked the correlation between heart action and facial expressions of emotion. Both angry expressions and some smiles restricted blood flow to the heart.  As they looked closer they realized that it was not just any smile.  They identified some smiles included muscles around the eyes, and some did not - some were not sincerely expressing enjoyment.

If you want to read more, the article is available on line.  

Credit to Jim and Jori Manske for bringing this article and topic to our attention!

Credit to http://etiquette-social-situations.knoji.com/how-to-identify-a-fake-smile/ for the image.

Claim Your Sacred Space

Image copyright 2008-2012 Lori Steed Sortino     White Sands, NM

“I am the voice for the safe, sacred space that exists, that calls your name.  Come step into this space and breathe.  Feel surrounded by acceptance and support.  Feel the space that knows who you are and holds you lovingly, gently; the space that waits patiently for you to let go.  Release into this space the tension, the worry, the doubt, and the fears; anything that appears that does not belong in your experience.  Leave it behind in this space to be transformed into energy that serves.  Become one with the reflection of you that feels authentic and true.  Now, step out in confidence on your path.” 


Inspired in a circle of men and women in Ojai, California on May 5, 2012 under a super full moon.  :-D

In our most recent circle, we all agreed that the following things were take-aways and worth sharing here!

From Emma
Be aware of NATs (Negative Automatic Thoughts) and work to eliminate them from your everyday experience.  Replace them with a desire to inquire about what's going on (inside yourself, and for others).

From Jill
For those who find themselves broken-hearted, change your language to BROKEN OPEN.  "My heart feels broken open."  See where that leads.

From Jill
For those who feel they've experienced a break-down, change your language to BREAK THROUGH.  "I've just experienced a break through."  See where that leads.

From Lori

Sometimes the journey of self discovery feels like we are peeling off layers of an onion.  When you reach the point in the journey where you ask "How many layers are there?!" and "How come I never reach the middle?!" you have reached a place of rich awareness.  When we ask questions, discovery follows.  My answer came immediately after having asked.  The image was of the green growth inside the onion and the understanding that it is a continual process our whole lives of growing from the inside and shedding off the stuff we are done with.  With that image, I realized I did not want to finish the onion.  I wanted to focus on the growth inside and gently allow the outer layers to peel off when they are ready; honoring the natural process.  Those outer layers protect the new growth and yet by continuing to let the outer ones go, we keep ourselves from becoming too heavy.  Look at your onion and check on your personal balance.

A Tribute

This is my friend's son's video.  I was touched beyond tears this morning, watching it.

Here is what he wrote on facebook to his friend:

To the boy who hugged me on the first day of first grade, who helped me realize that it was time to take off the rollerblades and pick up a skateboard, and who would sit in front of the heater and draw monsters all day with me. To the friend who taught me to focus on the positive things in life and people, who taught me to appreciate the more important things in life, and who taught me more than he'll ever know. To the man who spent the last year battling cancer while keeping the most positive attitude, who still cherished life more than anybody I'll ever know, and who appreciated everybody for who they are. You helped shape who I am today David King, and I am forever grateful that you were such a big part of my life. You are my best friend, and I love you more than a jack rabbit drinkin' moonshine. Rest in Peace Diggity Dave.

THE STARS INSIDE

Love Tips

Found:  Article with truth about LOVE! on Oprah.com

"Can we increase our ability to love and to be loved? Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, author of The Gifts of Imperfection and professor at the University of Houston..."

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/How-to-Increase-the-Love-in-Your-Life-Brene-Brown#ixzz1r51Q2nAm

The highlights:

• only about 15 to 20 percent of folks she interviewed and studied are living with their whole hearts
• What quality did these people have that made them so capable of both receiving and giving love?
• these were people who deeply believed that they were worthy of love and belonging

Five Tips for increasing the LOVE in your life:

Let Go of Exhaustion (take time to rest)

Create Joy

Practice Calm (breathe when you feel vulnerable)

Play (time spent without purpose)

Be Authentic without regard to what others will think of you

Clear the Clutter

"As we learn to let go of the extraneous chatter that clutters our mind, 

we discover that our true nature - our essential self - 

is actually the center of awareness, peace and compassion."

--Joan Borysenko

Pioneers

Celebrating Our One Year Anniversary!

I just wrote a post for one of my other blogs on the subject of happiness and my relationship with my daughter.

photo by: Robert Anschutz  

Our experiences in life are woven together.  For example, my experience with my daughter this week affects what I bring to this circle of women this week, as does my level of satisfaction with my work life, and whether I’ve gotten enough exercise this week, enough rest, and enough time to recharge, whatever those things are for me, particularly.

I expect each one of us in circle are juggling and managing between meetings, and I so look forward to each time we come together to experience how the weaving together of experiences will play out after being apart and making individual progress.  Coming together again as continually expanding individuals committed to personal growth, we get to experience a pretty rare phenomenon; rapid expansion.

It can sound scary.  It can feel intimidating.  We face resistance of the unknown.  We move together into uncharted territory, and we’ve gone down dead ends.  We find our way together.  It’s a choice.  It’s not for everyone.  You have to be willing to sometimes sacrifice the comfort of routine for progress.  For the pioneers who headed west in covered wagons, they didn’t welcome the rocky bed at night or the illnesses along the way, but they were determined to explore and to move into the new.  They were committed to change and to creating a better life.

We may not be enduring physical hardship, and we may not be circling up covered wagons, but we come together in a circle at regular intervals and we have declared a common journey and a desire to travel together.  We may not always like each other.  We may not always understand each other.  We may not always trust everyone in the circle.  And still, we are there for each other.  We are a community.  

Some of us started this journey a year ago and others have joined along the way.  Some have left the circle to pursue other journeys and we miss them and remember them with love.

We have beautifully completed the exploration phase of Center Circle, and we are ready for a more structured and consistent experience that delivers on the values we have expressed. We are super excited to move forward in new and exciting directions!

The following changes to the structure are effective first meeting in April.  Our intention is to keep things simple and work out help with administrative tasks and such, outside of circle time.

Our new meeting dates are 1st, 3rd, and 4th Sundays every month,  6pm- 8pm :) !

Established Structure Elements Going Forward:

1.      Wear comfortable clothing.  We may do some amount of movement in any given meeting.

2.      Going deeper – an opportunity in every meeting to go deeper individually and as a group.

3.      Improvisation – an element of Improv in every meeting to support creative and authentic personal expression. 

4.      A variety of exercises to include reflection, sharing, somatic, and art/creative experiences.

5.      All meetings will be facilitated by Lori and Andreea the 1st and 3rd Sunday of the month.  We are also joyfully offering the facilitation role to any of you, who for the sake of personal growth or out of love of sharing something of value with the circle, wish to take the opportunity to facilitate or present on the 4th Sunday of the month. On this day, we follow your instruction, and it can be as simple as sharing poetry together, watching a film, or as in depth of an experience as you wish.

6.      As usual there will be no meeting on the 2nd as well as the last, or occasional 5th Sunday of the month.

Changes:

1.      April 1st  will be the last “open” meeting

2.      April, May, June, July and August meetings will be closed to new members

3.      Guests are welcome to “try out” circle during the months of March or September.

4.      To become a member, one needs to be accepted by the group, with Lori and Andreea making the final decision on who is invited into the next 5 month series (October – February or April – August).

5.      Cost is $ 150 per person for each five month period  - payable during the “open” months of March and September; a second option is paying $30 per person per month, if that fits your budget more. (This covers the new fee of using the studio, materials, and compensation for a new level of facilitation and time on our part).

6.      If unable to pay, contact Lori or Andreea.  Alternative arrangements will be made on a case by case basis.

Center Circle’s Golden Rules:

The following are the things we’ve collected as essential elements for the group rules.  We will do a check in with these during the last part of our next meeting and then they will officially be in effect!

   ~ Compassionate- nonviolent communication -- whatever the nature of the emotion shared (ranging from anger to joy), it is welcomed and supported in the circle as long as its communication is respectful to all who are present.

 ~  Agreement to be an honest witness -- if you observe a communication pattern in a circle member or members that seems like subtle or not so subtle bullying,  please speak up about it, and we will address it together as a group.

   ~ Responsibility for one's self -- each person is encouraged to respectfully voice their needs, assumptions, or expectations, and is simultaneously encouraged to release the notion of being obligated to cater to others' needs more than their own. 

  ~  Talking Stick -- picking up the talking stick means :

                                             1) I wish to speak

                                             2) Let me speak until I am complete

  ~ Enter and leave mindfully -- the circle can be a place of deep processing and sharing, please honor the sanctity and charged potential of the space we all create. 

   ~ Sharing is Caring --  whether it's just a smile, a personal story, or a vulnerable passage - sharing who you are supports the expansion of trust within the circle - but please be true to yourself and do not share more than you are ready for.

We are so glad to share this time with you, and explore new levels of self and life whilst having each other’s support! See you all soon,

Lori and Andreea

Circle Meeting Cancelled this Sunday, March 4th

Dear Center Circle Friends and Wonder Women :)


Since our first meeting of the new year, we have all felt the winds of change in the natural unfolding of the circle. We are excited to say that after our last meeting, we have gathered enough fire to come to a new place of understanding and vision of what Center Circle is!  This past year has been full of exploration, coming together, and precious lessons. Now we are ready to move forward past the experience of simply gathering socially and into new, unknown territories- where personal and collective growth, deeper bonding, and real fun takes place! Last year we have only skimmed the surface and it was the perfect expression at the time; now, we are ready for much, much more!

Lori and I realized that we needed to cancel this Sunday's meeting to use this momentum of creativity wisely, and commit to writing and meeting regularly for the next days and weeks to put down on paper everything pertaining to the next chapter of our experience together in Center Circle. We will be in touch with all of you through email to let you know of the progress and new direction. Apologies to anyone that may be affected by this cancellation. Thanks for your continuous support, your wisdom, and amazing grace. Please contact us directly if you have any comments, questions, or personal concerns- we are here for you and happy to hear from you anytime . We will see you next on Sunday, March 18th, at 6PM.  In the meantime stay tuned for new updates through email and website posts!

 A wonderful weekend to all,


Andreea and Lori

Dance Dance or We Are Lost

I realized I was looking to her for approval, direction... creative ideas

and I was lost.

At some point I realized I had to pull myself up by my hair

and after this my confidence was realized.

A paraphrase of this dancer's autobiographical comment in the movie Pina.

Last night my husband and I saw Pina.  It was Valentine's Day and we knew nothing about this movie.  I was delighted.  He, not being keen on the arts so much, was fascinated by the monorail engineering that was part of the city scene backdrop in several performances.

I found myself filling the theater seats with friends as I watched the film, with performance after performance of powerful commentaries on life, behavior, and this beautiful non-verbal communication art; dance.  "Oh I have to tell Andreea about seeing this film!"  I thought to myself, followed by thought of another woman and then another.  

I want to dance.

I have been dancing more lately.  Yet the dancing has been just to move, mostly out of a need to balance the inactivity and the hours in front of a computer.  There is tremendous joy in just doing that.

This dance I watched on the screen goes so much deeper.  It explores and expresses the experiences of life through movement.  I feel a connection to where Center Circle is right now.  We have come together and it has been good.  Now... we go deeper.

Live Your Life on Purpose!

Reminder:  We are car pooling to Santa Monica on Saturday, January 28th for the Alchemy of Sound meditation event.  It will be an amazing experience; a vibrational journey.  Contact Lori if you want a ride.

Remember Who You Are

image copyright 2011 Lori Steed Sortino   www.essencecaptured.com

"We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch.  Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit." 

~ ee cummings

Ripples from this Circle

A follow up to my January 9th post titled Surround Yourself about declaring my desire to celebrate my contribution this year, I want to share a significant event in the beginning of that journey.

This is a testimony to the power of intention.

I attended a conference this week, sat at a table and contributed something significant.  It was heard and recognized by the Director of Economic Development for the city hosting the conference as well as a few other people at my table.  When our table did a report out, my idea was not mentioned.  The person who did the report out didn't understand its significance.  The woman sitting next to me (Paula) did.  She spoke up to add the comment that "our group" had also come up with this idea and she told them what it was, but did not attribute the idea to me.  As Paula told the room about the idea the response amplified the goose bumps.

"Ooohhh" and "Wow" types of responses echoed around the room.  Clearly it was the exclamation point emphasis that the whole room agreed that it was a great idea.

Yet while the recognition swarmed toward me I resisted it because I was so focused on the small fact that Paula had not mentioned my name and that I had not had the "sell yourself" mentality to stand up and make sure my idea was heard by the entire room.  As I was self analyzing in the moment, I was able to recognize how destructive it was and immediately wanted to put an end to it.  How can I celebrate my contribution if my head is busy with this negative self talk?  There is just no place for it in my life any more.

I waited for the last table to finish their report out and for the break that followed.  Then I immediately turned to Paula and asked her "would you be willing to listen to me express what I just experienced?" and she said yes.  I knew Paula and trusted her to just be my partner as I processed this.

I talked.  She listened.  My eyes watered...

T total
E elation
A about
R relationship
S seen

because I was so touched by this thing (the relationship) that two people can do for each other.

This was all it took.  It took me having the courage and Paula having the willingness to be there for me.  I said here's what I want to change.  This is what I just did inside my own head that I now declare outside myself is invalid.  Sparing the details here.  But what happened was transformation.  Once I voiced it all with her, the feelings were gone.  It no longer mattered to me if anyone knew that it was me who started the ball rolling in that direction with that idea.  By releasing the negative emotion around that, and taking my attention off of it, what happened next was beautiful.

Just minutes later, the Director of Economic Development came up to me and told me that this was the gem that she was taking away from this conference and then she handed me her card and said "we'll be in touch."

Today I received a note from Paula with this comment:
"I am truly inspired by your courage for asking for what you want and need. Your commitment to yourself and being a shining Light in the world is what continues to move me forward to do the same."

Because of our circle (Center Circle) I have a place to practice seeing and being the better version of myself so that I can take that better version out into the world and practice becoming in larger circles with other individuals.  Without the practice in Center Circle, I may not have had the courage I needed to ask Paula to support me in what I needed to do when I needed to do it.

I am appreciating this circle!

Imperatives?

Seth Godin has written some mighty good things worth repeating (or retweeting, if you're a twitter-ite).  Here's another example and it fits into the context of our anticipated upcoming discussions at circle in the next couple of meetings.

Here is Seth's post from earlier today.

The TED imperatives

1. Be interested.
2. Be generous.
3. Be interesting.
4. Connect.

In that order. If all you can do is repeat cocktail party banalities about yourself, don't come. If all you're hoping for is to get more than you give, the annual event is not worth your time. If you're not confident enough to share what you're afraid of and what's not working, you're cheating yourself (and us).

These aren't just principles for TED, of course. They're valid guidelines for any time you choose to stop hiding and step out into the world. It would be fabulous if people who were willing to commit to these four simple ideas had a special hat or a pin they could wear. Then we wouldn't have to waste our time while looking for those who care about their work and those around them.

[TED is a conference that started small, got big and then spawned more than a thousand local versions. Mostly, it's a culture of connecting interesting ideas and the people who have the guts to share them. Sometimes people at TED even follow these imperatives].

Now is the time.  Show up with confidence and participate!

Goal Setting

We had a meeting on January 8th focused on creating the 2012 that we want. We talked about how each of us manages this wanting and desiring of future stuff in our life. Some of us make lists and some of us come up with a word or two that keep us focused on what's important. We noticed that our group of women tended to not like a rigid process of goal setting or creating targets, as these processes reminded us of some of the enterprise related processes we've been through.

This had us thinking about the more feminine aspect of goal setting. If the masculine aspect is logic and reason and process, the feminine aspect is feeling and emotion. How do you fit that into goal setting? Here is a lovely piece that explores this topic.

Surround Yourself...

Last night in circle, we set aside time for individual work on goals and intentions for this year.  As we started the activity, blank paper in front of me, my mind wandered the trail of thoughts that I had been collecting on this topic.  Landing on the question "what do I need?" I scribbled some words on the page that came close to describing what I want to experience this year.  I chose words like Tribe and Ohana, trying to capture the idea that I want to be a fully integrated piece of a beautiful functioning community.  I want to belong.  I want to contribute and receive support, love, and appreciation for what I add to the community.  This thing I seek is somewhere between a family and an intentional community.

I went on to write:

I realized yesterday that this year is not so much about becoming and developing or improving myself... it is not so much about creating... or dreams.  This year is for understanding my own needs.  I serve.  I love.  I give.  I create.  This year I want to feel loved.  I want to feel useful, not used.  I want to celebrate my contribution.

Just as I was finishing writing these words, the present moment completely surrounded me.  Still looking at the paper, my eyes focused on nothing as my other senses took over in bringing what they had to offer my brain.  Papers shuffling gently.  Pens and pencils moving across pages around the room.  Quiet flurry of activity as eight women called in the 2012 intentions and the room filled with brilliance.

I felt like someone or something reached into my heart and turned a light bulb on.  That quickly, this energy beamed from my center and all I could do was put my pen down and bring my hands into prayer pose and experience the moment.

"This is exactly what I need right now.  I need to bring the thing that just came up for me and say it out loud.  I need to be heard.  I don't want to do this by myself.  I want a community.  I want to know what it is to be a woman among women.  I want to know this experience.  I want to shape it, practice it, lead it, follow it, be in the middle of it.  I want this."

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I thought of the creation of this group of women; the years of intention that were behind its creation.  "Here I sit in the middle of our creation, feeling love.  Feeling community.  Feeling useful.  Feeling the celebration of my contribution expanding my heart real time. Understanding my need in the very moment of realizing it and watching it being met immediately."

Unconditional

Willing to experience aloneness,

I discover connection everywhere;

Turning to face my fear,

I meet the warrior who lives within;

Opening to my loss,

I gain the embrace of the universe;

Surrendering into emptiness,

I find fullness without end.

Each condition I flee from pursues me,

Each condition I welcome transforms me

And becomes itself transformed

Into its radiant jewel-like essence.

I bow to the one who has made it so,

Who has crafted this Master Game.

To play it is purest delight;

To honor its form--true devotion.

- Jennifer Welwood

Your Artist Self

To be an artist is just as natural to a human being as breath. We all have a "creative" side to our life and express it in unique and varied ways. What is yours? How does your inner creator show up? How often do you and your artist self meet? - Every day, a couple times during the week, or...has it been a while? Regardless of the answer, begin the fun practice of watching for and identifying all the ways you are creative.

You may surprise yourself. To be artist does not necessarily mean that you are a painter, a singer, a photographer, or a designer, etc..it just means you use your creative sense in your life. For example, do you cook without a recipe? Do you garden and arrange the flowers in a certain pattern as you plant them? Do you think up new, innovative ways to market a product or your work? Do you have fun decorating your home? Do you make up stories as you tuck your child in at night? Do you daydream your life into being? Whatever way you connect to your artist self, it is the place where you feel a sense of joy, purpose and timelessness. Below are some fun guidelines for renewing your relationship to that part of your self. Read them and see if at least one captures your attention. Enjoy!

HOW TO BE AN ARTIST

by Sark

STAY LOOSE...LEARN TO WATCH SNAILS...PLANT IMPOSSIBLE GARDENS...INVITE SOMEONE DANGEROUS TO TEA...DO IT NOW, THE MONEY WILL FOLLOW...MAKE LITTLE SIGNS THAT SAY "YES" AND POST THEM ALL OVER THE HOUSE...MAKE FRIENDS WITH FREEDOM AND UNCERTAINTY...LOOK FORWARD TO DREAMS...CRY DURING MOVIES...SWING AS HIGH AS YOU CAN ON A SWINGSET, BY MOONLIGHT...CULTIVATE MOODS...DO IT FOR LOVE...TAKE LOTS OF NAPS...GIVE MONEY AWAY -WHEN YOUR HEART TELLS YOU TO...BELIEVE IN MAGIC...LAUGH A LOT...CELEBRATE EVERY GORGEOUS MOMENT...TAKE SUNBATHS...HAVE WILD IMAGININGS, TRANSFORMATIVE DREAMS AND PERFECT CALM...DRAW ON THE WALLS...READ EVERYDAY...GIGGLE WITH CHILDREN...LISTEN TO OLDER PEOPLE...OPEN UP...DIVE IN...BLESS YOURSELF...DRIVE AWAY FEAR...PLAY WITH EVERYTHING...ENTERTAIN YOUR INNER CHILD...BUILD A FORT WITH BLANKETS...GET WET...HUG TREES...WRITE LOVE LETTERS.