Being Authentic

In last night’s circle, we expressed that we want a place to be with other women where we can relax and be authentic.  Listening to the requests of several women voicing the desire to feel safe in this circle, to be ourselves, for good or bad, one of us finally, tentatively added: “I think the only place I’m authentic is when I’m alone in my apartment.”  Such a powerful awareness of what we want and don’t want and what’s really going on in our lives is why we are coming together as a group of women, and sharing in each other’s presence.

The verb "to be" is an interesting thing.  I “be” this way or that way, like this or like that, depending on all that’s going on in the moment, the circumstances, surroundings, or who’s watching.  I sensor my behavior (my demonstration of “being”) when I think people are watching, trying to create a projection equal to what I want their perception to be.

Yikes.

 I am reminded of those moments in life when I have witnessed women being authentic.  When I look at them and can see that they are in that moment, truly connected to who they are inside and out, and they are demonstrating that connection right in front of me and all the world.  To see it, is inspiring!  I look for it.  When I find it, it’s like the golden ticket of admission and permission into the world of being authentic.  "She’s being authentic. I will be, too."
 
Most of the material on the internet about being authentic is either persuasive (you should be authentic) in nature, or esoteric (wouldn’t the world be a better place if we achieved this authenticity, either in an individual way or in a larger way).

The number one reason each of us wants this women’s circle is so that we can practice being authentic in a safe, nonjudgmental environment that honors each person's unique expression and natural unfolding.


Peter Vajda, PhD., wrote in his 2007 article titled Why Being Authentic is So Difficult:

“Why do we find ourselves struggling so often to be who we really are? Why is it so challenging to show up authentically? Why do we wear masks, and assume personalities of actors that hide our True and Real Self? What brings us to be fake and phony so much of the time?

The kicker is that everyone is born authentic. What happens is that, beginning with childhood and moving through adolescence and into adulthood, we spend countless minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years separating from our innate, authentic, natural and spontaneous self. And, along the road, we become confused. “Who am I, really?” becomes the operative question.”

Link to full article

Center Circle is a women’s circle in Thousand Oaks, California (near Westlake Village, Newbury Park, Camarillo, West Hills, Agoura, Oak Park, Moorpark, Simi Valley, San Fernando Valley).  We are a gathering of women who prefer being authentic.

Seven Stage Dynamic of the Creative Process

We were talking in circle last time about how we often get stuck.  We want to create something in our lives, and we have a very clear idea of what it is, and yet, we notice we keep doing what we have been doing and keep getting what we have been getting.  When we notice that, we feel stuck.

As we talked about this and the idea of how to get ‘unstuck’, I shared Norman Seeff’s Seven Stage Dynamic of the Creative Process.  Norman, after studying the creative process in numerous disciplines, including artists, rock stars, actors, engineers, designers and rocket scientists, he observed that in the creative process we always have to go through seven stages, no matter what we are creating.  By making these stages visible, we have a model to look at and talk about and identify where we are stuck. 

In our circle discussion, we did go into detail on ideas for beginning the transition out of that rut.  It’s usually mental and emotional stuff where we get stuck, and we talked about various tools for moving our thoughts and our emotions away from the patterns we have set, and toward the patterns we prefer.

Since I use Norman’s model a lot, I wanted to post it here so we would all be able to find it again easily for reference.

Norman Seeff's Seven Stage Dynamic of the Creative Process

Self-Nurturing

Self-Nurturing

In our fast paced world, driven often primarily by ambition and goals - by DO-ing - we miss out on the balance of experiencing DO-ing's counterpart which is the state of BE-ing. The BE-ing state is not inert necessarily, but it is a state that connects us rapidly to our body, our emotions, and the present moment. It inspires or is inspired by activities that slow down time, or are free of time limits or pressures. For example, yoga, meditation, swimming at the beach, spending time with a dear friend, creating art, reading a novel, cooking, hiking, writing, gardening, love-making, dancing, taking a bath, etc....these are all things that soothe our nervous system, slow us down, and connect us to ourselves in a unique and nurturing way. Here is a small exercise we can do from time to time to check in with our lives and see if we can create more of a balance. Please answer the following questions, as honestly as possible.

Focus on your "wants." Write the first answer that comes to mind. Give yourself permission to let your desires run free.

	What’s most important to you at this time in your life?
	Where would you like to spend more of your time?
	If you could do anything you wanted without restrictions, what would it be?
	Are there areas that need your attention, like your health, a relationship, work or financial concerns?
	Is there a secret dream or desire that keeps getting put on the back burner that you’d like to devote more time to? If so, what is it?
	What needs less attention? What needs more? Based on your answers, think of things that you would like to experience on a regular basis that support your wants- which are more often in fact, your "needs". Things that move you closer to the balance you desire in your life. Write -up a list. The Pleasure Program Whip out your calendar and open it to tomorrow. Place your list next to your calendar. Now on each and every day, schedule two pleasurable activities. Keep an eye out for balance. Choose activities that are realistic. For example: MONDAY Talk to my best friend Go for a walk TUESDAY Meditate for fifteen minutes Watch a movie with friends WEDNESDAY Attend a yoga class Draw THURSDAY Go to library and find books on what interests me. Get a massage. FRIDAY Go to the museum during my lunch hour. Put on music and do spontaneous exercise for twenty minutes. Have a nice dinner with my lover. * exercise inspired and courtesy of Doctor Sherri, FROM THE HEART MEDIA

Imagine a Woman
by
Patricia Lynn Reilly, M. Div.
© 1995 reprinted by permission
The poem that inspired the book Imagine a Woman in Love with Herself.


Imagine a woman
who believes it is right and good she is woman.
A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.
Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

Imagine a woman
who believes she is good.
A woman who trusts and respects herself.
Who listens to her needs and desires and meets them with tenderness and grace.

Imagine a woman
who has acknowledged the past's influence on the present.
A woman who has walked through her past.
Who has healed into the present.

Imagine a woman
who authors her own life.
A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.
Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and to her wisest voice.

Imagine a woman
who names her own gods.
A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.
Who designs her own spirituality and allows it to inform her daily life.

Imagine a woman
in love with her own body.
A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.
Who celebrates her body and its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

Imagine a woman
who honors the face of the Goddess in her changing face.
A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.
Who refuses to use her precious life energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

Imagine a woman
who values the women in her life.
A woman who sits in circles of women.
Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

Imagine yourself as this woman.

The Powerful Feminine

There are many faces to our womanhood. Most of the time these faces have to do with the roles we play in relationship to others, i.e. mother, daughter, wife, sister, nurturer, provider, companion, etc.., and less with who we are in essence. We are also more than just "women" of course, but in today's society where a woman feels forced to maintain her status by mimicking society's patriarchal demands, we gain a lot when we reconnect to and foster our strength in owning our feminine power. Our circle as any circle of women holds the potential to unlocking that truth and allows us to rekindle our relationship to that part of ourselves, and share it with the world. As men acting alone fail more and more to provide answers to difficult problems in the world or in society, women need to step up and reclaim their own role in shaping the world, and provide the much needed balance from a feminine perspective, not a masculine one- as most women find themselves doing. What is that feminine perspective or wisdom exactly? How do we harness it , how do we become comfortable in it? How do we regain our trust in it? It certainly begins with each one of us. As psychologists and physicists have noted, and the ancients of our world have always known, every human being has a masculine and feminine side. It is a most a natural phenomenon that these energies co-exist and interact in all living things. But when we are out of balance with one or the other, it is certainly noticeable as there is an experience of lack, disharmony, even illness in one's day to day life. As we begin to know our feminine power, we will also explore how a woman might channel her masculine energy in a way that is natural to her.

To begin our relationship to the powerful feminine, we take a look at an inspiring message that recalls our ancient past:

http://www.sharronrose.com/SharronEvolve.htm

Women may not have the same opportunities or desires for this type of training and ritual as in those days, but are nevertheless capable of the same qualities and strengths. To discover our potential as women is the first step. There are multiple ways and paths to develop the qualities we seek, and by figuring out which of these we want to connect to, we can begin our journey to reclaiming them in our own way. "The HEART always knows", a wise woman would say, "for it is the ever burning hearth of your passionate soul, and anything it is excited about, is the sign you need to move forward, whether you can see your next step clearly or not!"

The Journey

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice--

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do--

determined to save

the only life you could save.

Mary Oliver

Critiquing the First Meeting

Andreea and Lori circled back around after the first Center Circle meeting and asked themselves “Would I have enjoyed that two hours if I had been one of the participants?”

They agreed they would want to:

·       have fun
·       explore meaningful topics with the other women there
·       have the opportunity to express ourselves; sharing our opinion and our experience
·       leave the meeting feeling uplifted and supported

“We didn’t feel we hit the mark entirely, and we immediately went into an excited conversation targeting the things we wanted to change to improve the experience going forward.  We saw the same issues, even if from different perspectives, and agreed on changes.”

Lori:

"I am really excited about working with Andreea because we are so on the same page and yet come from such different cultures.  For me, it is personally so fulfilling to collaborate in this way.
 I truly feel the foundation is being laid for a very special (ongoing) experience.  An experience that will accumulate over time, like the building of a deep friendship.  The co-creation of community, indeed."

Andreea:

   "Lori and I want to help create a wonderful and supportive environment so that all the women present feel safe and excited to show up, and just be themselves. And that takes all of us together speaking our hearts and minds!"