Self-Nurturing

Self-Nurturing

In our fast paced world, driven often primarily by ambition and goals - by DO-ing - we miss out on the balance of experiencing DO-ing's counterpart which is the state of BE-ing. The BE-ing state is not inert necessarily, but it is a state that connects us rapidly to our body, our emotions, and the present moment. It inspires or is inspired by activities that slow down time, or are free of time limits or pressures. For example, yoga, meditation, swimming at the beach, spending time with a dear friend, creating art, reading a novel, cooking, hiking, writing, gardening, love-making, dancing, taking a bath, etc....these are all things that soothe our nervous system, slow us down, and connect us to ourselves in a unique and nurturing way. Here is a small exercise we can do from time to time to check in with our lives and see if we can create more of a balance. Please answer the following questions, as honestly as possible.

Focus on your "wants." Write the first answer that comes to mind. Give yourself permission to let your desires run free.

	What’s most important to you at this time in your life?
	Where would you like to spend more of your time?
	If you could do anything you wanted without restrictions, what would it be?
	Are there areas that need your attention, like your health, a relationship, work or financial concerns?
	Is there a secret dream or desire that keeps getting put on the back burner that you’d like to devote more time to? If so, what is it?
	What needs less attention? What needs more? Based on your answers, think of things that you would like to experience on a regular basis that support your wants- which are more often in fact, your "needs". Things that move you closer to the balance you desire in your life. Write -up a list. The Pleasure Program Whip out your calendar and open it to tomorrow. Place your list next to your calendar. Now on each and every day, schedule two pleasurable activities. Keep an eye out for balance. Choose activities that are realistic. For example: MONDAY Talk to my best friend Go for a walk TUESDAY Meditate for fifteen minutes Watch a movie with friends WEDNESDAY Attend a yoga class Draw THURSDAY Go to library and find books on what interests me. Get a massage. FRIDAY Go to the museum during my lunch hour. Put on music and do spontaneous exercise for twenty minutes. Have a nice dinner with my lover. * exercise inspired and courtesy of Doctor Sherri, FROM THE HEART MEDIA

Imagine a Woman
by
Patricia Lynn Reilly, M. Div.
© 1995 reprinted by permission
The poem that inspired the book Imagine a Woman in Love with Herself.


Imagine a woman
who believes it is right and good she is woman.
A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.
Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

Imagine a woman
who believes she is good.
A woman who trusts and respects herself.
Who listens to her needs and desires and meets them with tenderness and grace.

Imagine a woman
who has acknowledged the past's influence on the present.
A woman who has walked through her past.
Who has healed into the present.

Imagine a woman
who authors her own life.
A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.
Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and to her wisest voice.

Imagine a woman
who names her own gods.
A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.
Who designs her own spirituality and allows it to inform her daily life.

Imagine a woman
in love with her own body.
A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.
Who celebrates her body and its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

Imagine a woman
who honors the face of the Goddess in her changing face.
A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.
Who refuses to use her precious life energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

Imagine a woman
who values the women in her life.
A woman who sits in circles of women.
Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

Imagine yourself as this woman.

The Powerful Feminine

There are many faces to our womanhood. Most of the time these faces have to do with the roles we play in relationship to others, i.e. mother, daughter, wife, sister, nurturer, provider, companion, etc.., and less with who we are in essence. We are also more than just "women" of course, but in today's society where a woman feels forced to maintain her status by mimicking society's patriarchal demands, we gain a lot when we reconnect to and foster our strength in owning our feminine power. Our circle as any circle of women holds the potential to unlocking that truth and allows us to rekindle our relationship to that part of ourselves, and share it with the world. As men acting alone fail more and more to provide answers to difficult problems in the world or in society, women need to step up and reclaim their own role in shaping the world, and provide the much needed balance from a feminine perspective, not a masculine one- as most women find themselves doing. What is that feminine perspective or wisdom exactly? How do we harness it , how do we become comfortable in it? How do we regain our trust in it? It certainly begins with each one of us. As psychologists and physicists have noted, and the ancients of our world have always known, every human being has a masculine and feminine side. It is a most a natural phenomenon that these energies co-exist and interact in all living things. But when we are out of balance with one or the other, it is certainly noticeable as there is an experience of lack, disharmony, even illness in one's day to day life. As we begin to know our feminine power, we will also explore how a woman might channel her masculine energy in a way that is natural to her.

To begin our relationship to the powerful feminine, we take a look at an inspiring message that recalls our ancient past:

http://www.sharronrose.com/SharronEvolve.htm

Women may not have the same opportunities or desires for this type of training and ritual as in those days, but are nevertheless capable of the same qualities and strengths. To discover our potential as women is the first step. There are multiple ways and paths to develop the qualities we seek, and by figuring out which of these we want to connect to, we can begin our journey to reclaiming them in our own way. "The HEART always knows", a wise woman would say, "for it is the ever burning hearth of your passionate soul, and anything it is excited about, is the sign you need to move forward, whether you can see your next step clearly or not!"

The Journey

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice--

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do--

determined to save

the only life you could save.

Mary Oliver

Critiquing the First Meeting

Andreea and Lori circled back around after the first Center Circle meeting and asked themselves “Would I have enjoyed that two hours if I had been one of the participants?”

They agreed they would want to:

·       have fun
·       explore meaningful topics with the other women there
·       have the opportunity to express ourselves; sharing our opinion and our experience
·       leave the meeting feeling uplifted and supported

“We didn’t feel we hit the mark entirely, and we immediately went into an excited conversation targeting the things we wanted to change to improve the experience going forward.  We saw the same issues, even if from different perspectives, and agreed on changes.”

Lori:

"I am really excited about working with Andreea because we are so on the same page and yet come from such different cultures.  For me, it is personally so fulfilling to collaborate in this way.
 I truly feel the foundation is being laid for a very special (ongoing) experience.  An experience that will accumulate over time, like the building of a deep friendship.  The co-creation of community, indeed."

Andreea:

   "Lori and I want to help create a wonderful and supportive environment so that all the women present feel safe and excited to show up, and just be themselves. And that takes all of us together speaking our hearts and minds!"

Understanding Myself through Conversing with Others

We asked one of our participants, Meenal Kelkar, what she liked best about Center Circle. 

“The opportunity to connect with other women to get other perspectives and to go deep in the conversations here.  The structure provides the right amount of nudging into the topics that are important to each of us that we probably would not bring up in casual conversation.  That allows me to do two things … to open myself to an option I had not yet considered or to validate my own truth on what’s right for me. Ultimately, it’s a place to come to discover with each other how to live this thing called life.  At Center Circle I have a place to balance self-reflection with conversation that allows me to get out of my own way.”

What Is There Beyond Knowing?

Our first meeting on March 20 was the first day of Spring 2011 and those of us who attended drove there in heavy rain, passing flooded underpasses, downed trees, and wailing sirens.

We look forward to sharing our experiences from that first night over the next few days.  Stay tuned.  Today, we wanted to share this poem, which found its way to us through Joel and Michelle Levy's Thought for the Day email this week.

What Is There Beyond Knowing?

What is there beyond knowing that keeps

calling to me?  I can't

turn in any direction

but it's there.  I don't mean

the leaves' grip and shine or even the thrush's

silk song, but the far-off

fires, for example,

of the stars, heaven's slowly turning

theater of light, or the wind

playful with its breath;

or time that's always rushing forward,

or standing still

in the same -- what shall I say --

moment.

What I know

I could put into a pack

as if it were bread and cheese, and carry it

on one shoulder,

important and honorable, but so small!

While everything else continues, unexplained

and unexplainable.  How wonderful it is

to follow a thought quietly

to its logical end.

I have done this a few times.

But mostly I just stand in the dark field,

in the middle of the world, breathing

in and out.  Life so far doesn't have any other name

but breath and light, wind and rain.

If there's a temple, I haven't found it yet.

I simply go on drifting, in the heaven of the grass

and the weeds.

~ Mary Oliver ~

(New and Selected Poems Volume Two)

Who Are You and What Do You Want?!!!

What image and situation comes to mind when you read the title?  Just look at it for a minute and maybe read it a few times.

Who Are You and What Do You Want?

Lori
I went through several scenarios as I thought about it.  I thought about an unknown person showing up at my door or calling on the phone.  I thought about looking at myself in the mirror and getting clear with who I am and what I want.  Next I saw myself sitting across the desk from a person with great power – the power to make ANYTHING happen.  And that person was asking me this question with gentleness, love, and eagerness to assist.  We both closed our eyes as I let the question take me to a most magical place.

Andreea
My first experience after reading the question is that I felt witnessed, like there was an entire universe of beings suspended in my breath, waiting for me to exhale an answer. And that this universe in its natural benevolence wanted to assist me in discovering the answer and make what I want come true. Then an image of tree roots came in to my inner vision, and next came my answer, like a thunderous cloud, full of excitement:
I am LOVE.
I want to express it, feel it, give it, receive it, praise it, share it and inspire it....in the unique manner that I do... it is infinitely, playfully, and wholly who I am.

Other Contributors

A note about the contributors to this blog.

Most of the posts, especially in the beginning, are authored by Lori and Andreea.  As more women participate in this Center Circle, they are invited to contribute to the blog by writing about an experience they had in the circle or a reflection about how the circle has contributed to their life in some way.  Those testimonials are submitted to Lori and Andreea, who post them.  The purpose of the blog is to give the reader some insight into what goes on in the circle, for the purpose of:

1.       Having some sense of what it’s about before showing up for the first time
2.       Keeping up if she has attended before and is unable to attend a meeting
3.      Starting your own women’s circle and using our experiences to inform you

Learning in Public

Lori's term "learning in public" is something we encourage to the point you are comfortable with.  There are mean people in the world who will rip you apart for just about anything you do in public.  Our aim is to practice being nice and to really support those risks each of us decide to take, which can either result in tremendous success worth celebration, for which we will all gladly join in for... or they are opportunities to learn in public, if you care to do so.

When something you do doesn't go as expected, it's not a failure.  It's an opportunity to learn.  You can learn in private, which means try really hard to hide it, don't talk about it, only tell your spouse or boyfriend or BFF or your diary...

or...

if you're feeling strong and bold, you can learn in public.  You can open yourself up, share what happened, and take a chance that your learning will multiply tenfold.

"Huh?" you say?

The Center Circle is a place where you can play with the concept of learning in public, if you haven't done so, or if it's been a while.  By sharing what you did and what you experienced, these women will listen, share compassion and their own experiences, and not only will you no longer be learning alone and feeling down, you'll feel companionship, community, and support.  You will be given more ideas and perspectives about what that experience was about; more than you could ever come up with on your own.

Learning in Public allows us all to learn from each other and with each other.  It allows us to experience, demonstrate, model, and encourage being vulnerable, which is one of the main characteristics of the feminine.

To share what you have experienced is to love.  It is to open yourself up to be loved in return.

Sacred Cow

We could not help ourselves.  We had to follow our last post on Sacred Space (which also included a reference to the Hindu faith) with a post on the Sacred Cow!

It is a wonderful reminder of how diversity often starts with a humorous recognition of a difference.  How many times have you laughed about an absurd notion that turned out to be just the oppposite of absurd once you heard the rest of the story?  Do you remember hearing about the Hindu's Sacred Cow for the first time?  Was it very different from your own experience and beliefs?  Did you think it was a joke at first?  Did you soon realize the person or people telling you about this absurd belief were completely serious?

Many things in life are this way.  In our circle, it's okay to laugh when something seems absurd.  And we will encourage you to look at others beliefs and your own in order to move from "you've got to be kidding!?" to the ability to listen objectively, and then to the ability to accept and integrate.

If you have been a teenager or the parent of one, you might agree this skill would be very useful.   If you're a manager in a diverse workplace, you'll find this skill very useful.  Can you think of another place where this skill will help you communicate more effectively and become a more compassionate listener and effective collaborator?

In our Women's Circle, Center Circle, we will explore this theme of co-existing with different beliefs often.  Look forward to exploratory conversation, role playing, and learning in public (our next post).

Sacred Space

We'll talk a lot about sacred space, so this is only the beginning.  We are thrilled that the location we found to start holding our Women's Circle has a name that contibutes to our Circle name.

BodySattva is the name of the center.
On their Web site, they allude to a meaning:

The term ‘Bodysattva’ was born out of this vision by pairing  the English word "body" with ‘sattva’ (sahtvah) or ‘awareness.’

“Sattva is a state of mind in which the mind is steady, calm and peaceful. Sattva may be defined as pure existence, awareness, being, truth, intelligence, virtue, goodness, joy”

Or simply put, the desire to practice and deepen the connection to, and access our closest resource, our own body’s wisdom.

In our Center Circle, we will continually discuss and acknowledge our body's wisdom, exploring the concentric circles outward from each of us; the breadth and depth of wisdom and how it might be amplified by coming together and practicing centering together.


If a deeper exploration is of interest, read the wikipedia texts on Sattva.

During at least one of the circle sessions we will discuss the idea of being Sattvic:
A satvic individual can be recognized if their mind, speech and actions synchronize.

Our Circle is a place to discuss the meaning of the things that surround us.  Since we are meeting in a center with the name BodySattva, it seems only logical that we seek to understand the meaning of that name, and its relevance to each of us.  It is of Hindu origin.  The point is to explore it, not to convert anyone to Hinduism or to be a circle of Hindu women.  It is to explore the diversity in this world and become richer, more tolerant, more compassionate, and more loving for it.

It is likely that in the course of time, we will find ourselves discussing things that touch many of the worlds faiths and traditions.

Celebrating Differences

This circle is intended to include women from all walks of life, with various beliefs, different backgrounds, and varying life paths.  It is much more rewarding and enriching to:

* allow your beliefs to be questioned, so that you can be more sure of where you stand.

* share your life with someone who has had very different experiences, so that you can appreciate your own and contemplate possibilities.

* ask another what their life is like, not only to break up the monotony of your own, but to deepen your understanding of the human experience.

* understand that your perspective is one of a million, and by practicing sharing our perspectives, we become better communicators, more connected, and more fulfilled human beings.

Within each of us is great diversity.  We fill a variety of roles in our lives, step into a number of archetypes, and bring to the circle many experiences; some chosen, some seemingly not what we would have chosen.  We are all of it and we celebrate all of it, for it informs who we are, where we are on our path, and where we are choosing to go. 

Risk

In our last post, we introduced the idea of sharing some of what goes on in the circle.  Sharing personal things about yourself can feel very risky.  We've seen various reactions to social media platforms like facebook, where some women share everything with everyone (Lori is one) and other women don't have an account and prefer privacy (Andreea is one).  Everyone has their own comfort level with what they will risk and what they are not comfortable with.  In this circle, we all agree to support and encourage each other from whatever place we are to our next level of personal growth.  To each of us, taking a step to the next level probably feels like a risk.  By learning to take risks together and learning to respect other people's boundaries and differences, we become stronger and better.  Will we be perfect at it?  No.  Will we get better at taking risks?  Will we be better people?  Yes.

What's your Point?

As we come together in this women's circle, please don't be offended if someone else asks you "what's your point?"  It just means they are looking for whether or not they intersect with you and if so, on what point.


An intersection is a place where two people meet.  It can be a topic.  It doesn't mean there is agreement or sameness.  It means there is some resonance with the topic; it means something to each of you.

This women's circle is a sacred space where each woman can explore the topics that come up and by noticing how others' experiences might be different from your own, you acknowledge and respect that difference and reconnect with your own center; your own truth about that topic.


We will be sharing some real life examples of this, when the participants give their permission and share those stories here in the blog.

Note the emphasis:  WHEN PARTICIPANTS GIVE THEIR PERMISSION.  That means all of the participants in a given conversation or experience in the circle see the value of sharing what they learned in that intersection and have chosen to share it and their 'aha'.  Otherwise, all dialogue, conversation, and thoughts shared are done so in strict confidence with the women in the circle.

What is Holding Space?

Holding Space is something Andreea and Lori do.  It's part of the role of the facilitator(s).  We picked a time, a place, and intention, then invite others into that space.

A six year old demonstrates holding space for ladybugs.

  "Does it mean we have to be quiet and listen?"

No, the concept of holding space is really about the facilitators.  We are holding space so that each of you have a place to come and process.

You'll have a feel for it once you've attended a few times.  When you show up for any given meeting or gathering, you bring whatever is going on for you at that moment.  You can't pre-plan that.  One time you may be up, energetically.  Another time you may be wiped out from a long day or week.  You may want to talk.  You may want to sit back and relax and observe and listen.  You may feel inspired to be an active listener for someone else.  Remember, it's your time.  You are responsible for tuning in to what's up for you and following your inner guidance.

  "Will there be anything besides a bunch of women talking?"

Yes, absolutely!  About half of each meeting will involve the opportunity to experience a new tool or process that is intended to help you gain perspective about the things going on in your life and process the changes and the learning (integration) so that you can keep moving forward.  The intention is to empower each of us through providing experiences that enlighten, engage, and inspire.

How do I find my Center?

If you were a two dimensional circle, all you'd need is a straight edge and a compass and a few directions from your geometry teacher.  In a woman, her center is that place she operates from where she sees beauty, loves openly, feels joy, and speaks her truth.  To find your center, borrow from the instructions in geometry, and note that a process of intersecting with other circles is still how you find your center.

Geometric Center

Follow the link above if you want to explore finding the center of a circle geometrically.

Some Fun with the Name

"A circle is the set of points that are equidistant from a special point in the plane. The special point is the center."

In our women's circle, each woman is the center of the circle from her own perspective.  All of the other women are points in her circle.  However, instead of the two dimensional definition of a circle as found in the first steps of basic Euclidean geometry, our circle of women is multi-dimensional, and the set of points in the circle will connect on more than one plane.

The Meaning in the Name Center Circle

Simple, really.

To center is to line up with your truth.

To feel centered is to bring all of the elements in your life into harmony in the moment.

To be centered is to be balanced.

A circle of women where women reconnect to their center and from their center, connect with other women.

What should we expect when we attend?

Bring whatever is going on for you or leave it at the doorstep, either way.

Practice whatever you want to learn in a safe environment until it feels like a part of you and emerges into every part of your life.

Bring the questions you have about anything.

Talk about what's important for you right now and what you've always dreamed of doing.

Open to new experiences, and in the meantime perhaps discover a new aspect of your self.  Relate to your life in fresh and unpredictable ways.

Make new friends, create bonds, find common ground.  Find an accountability partner. Be an accountability partner. Create circles within the circle. Reach out beyond the circle. Invite a friend or a stranger to the circle who you think would contribute and benefit. Practice co-creating community. Have a place to go to continue to become the best YOU, you can be. Talk about the things your partner isn't the right person for - you know - "girl talk". Talk about the things your kids aren't ready to hear. Ask another woman what it's like as you head into a new time in your life, or share with another woman what that was like for you when she is headed into an experience you can relate to.  Get time away from all those other things in life. Think of it as your sacred space. "Your" time. Spend your time each session resting or regenerating. Be okay with just listening. Be okay with needing to talk about what's going on for you. Whatever feels right IS right. Simply feel yourself loving and being loved in your authenticity.

* If you are a woman who runs a business, this is a place where you can just be you. This is more about personal growth within all of the circles and relationships where you participate - as a whole. Sometimes our identity gets a little muddied with the identity around the business. Sometimes we feel like we have to wear our business identity any time we go out in the world. Here you don't. Set aside this time just for you. Stay connected to your authentic self.


What is our personal reason for doing this:

We (Lori and Andreea) have found a common element and theme in our discussions of what we are each here to do; to create a space where people come together to learn, transform, and co-create community. We felt holding a women's circle is an action that honors our visions and
direction and is a way we currently can contribute within our community.

What's important to us is to offer women an opportunity to experience a variety of ways to interact with others and ourselves; to get to know ourselves better and continually transform to the newest version of ourselves. We believe every new day brings an opportunity to change. We intend to provide a place for you to feel safe to be and discover who you are.